You said "I'm done with it."
You are not, it seems, done.

"I'm done with it. I keep saying yes out of a feeling that used to be loyalty and is now just habit. The gate is closing behind me whether I walk through or not."

"…so I told Wei I would take the call I'd think about taking the call, which we both understood to mean I would, and which I did, and I am now writing you from the other side of that, uncertain who I lied to more."